QUESTION FOR PONDER – for week 1

[Gene Shelly]

Now that you have a chance to practice the Appreciation Dialogue, how do you imagine you might use it with your work with couples? What do you see as the benefits it might provide for the couple?

[effiefrid]

I think I will use the dialog with couple who are arguing and feel like they are not able to find the connection between them. I used the dialog in my practice and it worked like magic . Instead of the couples feeling apart, they were able to see each other’s needs, understand- even if not agree , and re connect .

[diannehohol]

I would use this when emotions are running high, when the emotions are too intense to be able to do the work. Nothing wrong with emotions and we need to be able to help couples regulate, process and deal with emotions but if it is too intense then it is counter-productive. Using this dialogue can help them remember that they are here for the same reason, help them get back on the same page and as Effie described help them to re-connect.

I would also use the Appreciation Dialogue as a means to practice the formula prior to dealing with frustrations via the Dialogue, so that they can get comfortable with how to make an appointment, how to send, how to mirror, summarize etc. before they have to deal with the tougher stuff.

[Herb Tannenbaum]

Hi Efrat,
Thanks for sharing your thought about when you might use the Appreciation Dialogue. It is a powerful intervention o help couples stay in connection and I am glad to hear that it works well for you in your practice. Your point about keeping couples connected is very insightful and so much apart of what Imago is.
Looking forward to seeing you in class.

Herb

[Herb Tannenbaum]

Hi Diane,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts about when you might use the Appreciation Dialogue. It is most powerful when couples are not in such a reactive place because it helps them keep in mind the good things that they have experienced. Sometimes once a couple is in a reactive place they become defended and their reactivity stirs up the old brain and it is hard for them to send an Appreciation. It can be transformational if you can get the partner to stretch out of their reactivity and become more intentional.
I would like to suggest that you try the Appreciation Dialogue at the beginning of your sessions. It helps get the couple into a connected space todo their work.
Looking forward to seeing you in class on Thursday.

Thank you for taking the time to share your insights with everyone.

Herb

[Christine Petrik]

Hi all

These are great suggestions. Like Herb, I start most sessions with a version of the Appreciation Dialogue. Sometimes I’ll change it up and ask them what they appreciate about their Relationship or what they appreciate themselves.

Thank you all for your sharing and participation.

Christine

[cadeyp]

I’ve used the imago dialogue to help couples slow down – get out of their “old brain” and into their logical brain to better and more clearly communicate. This helps couples sense their connection to one another, which inherently benefits the feeling of safety and connection between them.

[Mike]

I have used this dialog to help reinforce the progress and connection that they already have with one another. I have seen this to be effective and has initiated physical intimacy in session afterward as well. It has allowed my couples to be present and fully absorb the appreciation from their partner.

[Author]

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