QUESTION TO PONDER – on Lesson 4, Re-romanticizing

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    • #26561
      Gene Shelly

      What are some of the ways you utilize to help couples to re-romanticize their relationship?

    • #26568

      Ways in which I would help couples re-romanticize their relationship:
      Invite the couple to Caring behaviour Dialogue with each other, find out attracted them to each other, Guide them in an appreciation dialogue with each other. Give them suggestions of exploring each other’s touch, going on dates and get familiar with each other again, have game nights with each other, etc.
      Practice the flooding with positivity activity with them and closing sessions with the one minute hugs.

    • #26569
      Gene Shelly

      Jina, Thanks for you response. You are making so much sense that you have a quiver full of Imago arrows and can select what makes sense in the moment. Thanks,


    • #26577

      Ways I have used to help couples to re-romanticize their relationship.
      • Date night (no kids)
      • I have used the Re-Romanticizing exercise (# 10) from the book Getting The Love you Want. Each partner identifies what the partner is already doing that pleases him/her, what they used to do that they are no longer doing and what they have always wanted but never asked for. Wonderful results.
      • I always ask in the first session how they met and what attracted them to the other, list all their qualities, attributes etc. I have seen this melt even the most toughest angriest guy.

      The things I will or might implement as a result of this lesson:
      • The surprise list
      • The fun list
      • Positive flooding
      • Caring behavior dialogue
      • Appreciation dialogue

      I like Jina’s idea i.e. the Games night and also the one minute hug.

      What about suggesting that they go to a Comedy Club or Improv Theatre for some laughs and light hearted fun.

    • #26578
      Herb Tannenbaum

      Hi Diane,
      Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts and insights on Re-Romanticizing.
      The key is to have couples continue doing the caring behaviors, re-introduce the things from the past that their partner experienced as loving and caring as well as sharing new idea and experiences that would allow each partner to feel cared for and loved by their partner.

      Your thoughts about surprises, a fun list, positive flooding, caring behavior dialogue and appreciation dialogue are also keen ideas to have as a resource to introduce to couples as wells to share and experience positive, fun experiences. That way, each partner appeals to the life force of the psych as a source of life and safety. That is attractive and increases the protentional for safe connection.
      I, resonate , with your liking of Kina’s idea of the one minute hug -the one minute hug increases oxytocin-the bonding cheical of our brain!
      Looking forward to seeing you class next Thursday.
      Until then, stay safe and be well.

    • #26637

      I agree with what others have said. I look forward to using Imago tools to help couples re-romanticize their relationships using tools like the flooding exercise, appreciation dialogue, and the caring behaviors dialogue. I also encourage my clients to play more in general and let them know that even if using the general imago dialogue process feels “cheesy” or silly to them, then that’s ok too because laughing together is a good thing.

    • #26654

      I have used the gratitude dialog as well as having couples write a daily gratitude on the bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker. I also discuss growth mindset with my couples to help reinforce the need to focus on the behaviors of the other to foster connection and intimacy.

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